Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Jonna

CURRENT CAREER:   Lawyer by day, TV legal analyst by night.  Chief cook and bottle washer at the Law Office of Jonna M. Spilbor, PLLC

YEARS IN PRACTICE:   18, Licensed in New York, California and Washington DC

CAREER ASPIRATION:    Selling hotdogs on the beach of a Caribbean island (if this whole law thing doesn’t pan out)

MY SHINING MOMENT:   Mastering no-handed cartwheels at age of 8

MY MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT:   Being the “drunk girl” at a famous person’s wedding (who shall remain nameless)

MARITAL STATUS:    Married for five minutes, divorced for five years.  Currently (and indefinitely) engaged to a man with whom I enjoyed an “on again, off again” relationship for the entire month of May,  2008

MY PRIZED POSSESSION:    The “Inside Out Asshole” cup I invented.  And my “Shoe of the Month Club” membership

MY REAL PRIZED POSSESSION:    My law degree

WHAT QUALIFIES ME TO BE A HAPPY BITCH:    I have the word “Counselor” next to my name on a piece of paper up on my wall.  And I come from a really big, dysfunctional Italian family.

WHAT ELSE:    I’m on the radio and national television weekly

NO, REALLY:     I spent many years in my young adult life so broke, I often had to flip a coin to decide which utility I couldn’t live without each month – lights or phone.  I was so bad at relationships, that I once broke up with a guy because he had mayonnaise on his lip.  I had my car towed while in law school more times than the number of Amendments in the Bill of Rights.  I lived a long time underestimating my self-worth, and this was reflected in my relationships, my income stream, and my happiness.

 My life was feeling like one really, long, bad movie.  And it was about to get worse before it got better.

In 2008, I decided to leave the law firm that offered me a partnership, and instead, go out on my own.  Yeah, I know.  Crazy.  But the truth was, I wasn’t making near the income needed, let alone wanted or deserved.  I found the perfect office to set up shop, and when I say “perfect”, I mean completely overpriced and oversized, but with a gorgeous view.   I had just enough money in the bank to squeak out the first month’s rent and security deposit.  That’s it.  

Just as I announced this huge leap of faith to my bosses, my “bff”s, and the rest of the free world, my boyfriend – a man with whom I had built a house and resided for two years – decided to fall out of love with me.  He kicked me out.  F*cking great.

Five days before my move-out deadline, a close friend of ours died.  

The day after his funeral, my boyfriend hopped a plane to the Bahamas with his son (it was a trip we had all planned to take together), and I hopped on a moving truck.  Problem was, I had no place to go. 

If you’ve never driven around aimlessly with your friend in a box, your boyfriend on a plane, and all of your shit in a van, I highly recommend it.  Good times!

I eventually landed on my Aunt Louise’s plastic-covered couch.  And that’s where I laid my head for the next few weeks.  My days were spent sobbing in my new, overpriced office talking to the only other object in the room…the copy machine.  Hey, it was a good listener.    

Living on someone else’s couch,  and having a copy machine for a BFF, was a pretty miserable existence.  It finally dawned on me that if I wanted to be a better lawyer, a better daughter, a better friend – if I wanted to have a better life — I needed to look in a new and better direction; to shift my focus from where I was, to exactly where I wanted to be. 

It was time to stop kicking my OWN ass, and just start KICKING ASS!   

Fifteen years earlier, I had studied for the biggest test of my life (the Bar exam).  Now, I began to study for the biggest transformation in my life – I became a student of the science of happiness.  And what this science boils down to, is a mastery of the Law of Attraction.

Within one year of this decision, I had multiplied my income – the money I was making when I leapt from the clutches of a potential partnership at an established law firm – five times.

Not bad, right?. 

Within two years, I had multiplied that number by twenty. 

Currently, my income is THIRTY TIMES what it was when I left my old firm.  I employ a staff of eight, full-time people, two part-timers and two interns.  The boyfriend who booted me out, is now my fiancé (and yes, occasionally, I find a crumb in his beard but I’m okay with it).  I bought Aunt Louise a brand new couch (without plastic) and I still have that damn copy machine! 

Most importantly, I am one very Happy Bitch! 

Look, I’ve made a career helping people.  People in the midst of divorce.  People in the midst of serious crisis. People in the midst of – figuratively speaking – driving aimlessly around in a van filled with all their crap. 

I now know, first hand, how bad that feels.  I also now know, first hand, how freakin’ AMAZING it feels to get HAPPY! 

I did it.  I continue to do it.  Are you ready for your journey?